I hope that if you are contemplating a divorce or going through one, that you ultimately find your own compassionate advocate’s voice. That you ultimately find peace despite the fear and chaos that may be brewing in your life around a divorce.
It doesn’t matter if it is your own divorce, or the divorce of someone you love. It doesn’t matter if the concept of divorce is just a random passing thought through your mind on the drive home from work, or whether the divorce is about to begin, has begun, or ended. It doesn’t matter if the divorce ended recently, or long ago. It doesn’t matter.
What matters is that there is still hope that some kind of peace, reconciliation, and growth can come from that experience. Be aware that you have choices and you are not a victim, even if you have suffered abuse. If you choose an adversarial divorce, you can expect a bitter, angry and adversarial divorce, because that is the system and model you are choosing.
There are other options that we will talk about in this blog, such as mediation and Collaborative Divorce. Of course, if you are in imminent risk of serious physical harm or financial ruin, then by all means go to court. Quickly. If that is not your actual situation, then I suggest taking a deep breath and consider your options.
Think about that. You do not need to become the adversary of your spouse, or the other parent of your child. Peace and understanding is actually possible, and this blog is going to talk about that among other things related to divorce along with what to expect. You need to know that you can emerge whole and empowered from a divorce. It is an option, if you choose it. The alternative is to allow the divorce process to ruin you and your children or at a minimum, feel dis-empowered and unsatisfied.
Divorce is an Opportunity to Practice What You Preach
My goal in sharing my experience and observations about divorce--the good, the bad, and the ugly-- is peace and a calm heart. I wish that for me, and for all of you, especially for those of you who are contemplating a divorce, are in the middle of a divorce, know a loved one who is in the middle of a divorce, or is still dealing with a post-divorce nightmare.
I want you to find some peace and a calm heart despite the chaos and negative messaging you are probably experiencing. I want to share some hope. There is a way to relieve the immense suffering of divorce. It involves a few steps and some effort.
This blog is my commitment to you (for this year) to bring the truth about divorce and divorce lawyers from my perspective out into the world of public opinion, thoughts, and civil discourse. I’m a trial lawyer, a mediator, and a collaborative divorce practice enthusiast and champion.
My mission is to change the status quo of divorce and by doing so, allow the emergence of healthy divorced people who thrive and become empowered by their divorce process, not embittered and resentful.
I hope you will join me in discarding the old adversarial warfare model based upon shame and blame, and welcome into the light of the mainstream, options that encourage communication and empathy. I hope that you take a stand and demand a new model for divorce.
I support peace and resolutions that meet the needs of the entire family. We can all use the divorce process as an opportunity to learn new practice skills for how to effectively handle adversity and differing opinions, conflict, and challenging personalities with whom we do not get along. It all begins at home. This is an opportunity to teach your children to be authentic, joyful, confident and capable of handling adversity and conflict through your own divorce experience and what behaviors and attitudes you model.
Peace starts within ourselves.
It spreads to our families, our communities, our state, our country and the world. I see a direct link between divorce and world peace. I am an advocate for a peaceful divorce whenever possible. Let’s explore how that is even remotely possible. I invite you to comment on what you have learned from your divorce process because sharing our stories helps us to relate to one another and we all gain the benefit from one another's experience.
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