Fear of Divorce Can Lead to Divorce
What you fear, you attract. What you resist persists.
Do you know the Native American story of Rabbit? The ancient story tells the tale of a brave rabbit who was also a fearless warrior. He was walking along a mountain trail and befriended a magical person who used his magic to produce food and water when Rabbit was hungry and thirsty. Rabbit was a bit rude and never thanked his friend for the gifts he produced.
One day Rabbit tripped and tumbled down the mountain. When his friend the healer arrived, Rabbit was nearly dead. The healer used his medicine powers and saved his friend’s life, but then Rabbit became afraid of the magic and cast his friend away.
Although he could have destroyed him, the former friend cursed Rabbit and from that day forward rabbit
". . . would call his fears and his fears would come to him.” Rabbit became known as the “fear caller.”
He goes out and shouts, “Eagle, I am so afraid of you.”
If Eagle doesn’t hear him, he calls louder.
“Eagle, stay away from me.”
Eagle now hears Rabbit and comes and eats him.
Rabbit calls bobcats, wolves, coyotes, and even snakes until they come.
The moral of the story here is what you fear the most, you attract to yourself.
Think about it, from the moment you contemplated getting married, did you have any nagging suspicion that your marriage wouldn’t work out? Did you have any insecurity, doubt or fear that your partner would cheat on you, or leave you eventually? Did you ever think, “this person is too good for me?” Or, perhaps the opposite thought, that you were somehow “better” than your beloved, and that you would be the one to “help” him or her achieve the success you believed your partner was destined for?
As for me, I definitely thought that my marriage would be immune from divorce.
I also had three sound reasons why I would never get divorced. First, I was a divorce lawyer, so there was no way that I was going to get divorced, because I thought the irony might actually kill me. Second, my parents were still married, and so were my partner’s so I thought that would immunize us from divorce. Third, despite harboring a longstanding belief that eventually my partner would leave me, in the end, it was I who chose to leave because I found the courage to admit that the toxicity of the relationship outweighed my shame about leaving it.
From my observations, if your relationship is not working, it is ok to find a modern, sensible, and compassionate way to end it that does not leave a swath of destruction behind. It is also time to start thinking about what you actually want to attract in your life, and to start putting your energy and intentions toward those thoughts, actions, and affirming relationships. The tale of Rabbit applies in reverse. It is not limited to only attracting the negative or scary things you worry about. You can start right now attracting the positive people and opportunities into your own life, especially if you are contemplating or in the middle of a divorce, or you recently ended a marriage, and you are feeling a bit wiped out by the process.
Attracting the positive require the use of any number of tool that work for you. Remember one of the few things you actually have control over is how you behave, and the model you exemplify in this world. Becoming your best self will not happen overnight, but with practice and professional help you can stop the negative messages you send yourself, and replace those critical and harmful thoughts with thoughts of self-love and self-compassion for yourself and others. This is where it all begins. Try reframing the concept of a “mistake” with just another lesson and an opportunity to learn and grow.
If you find yourself about to jump into the world of divorce, I urge you to do your homework, and align yourself with professionals who share your core values. If you need information, call a lawyer trained in Collaborative Divorce so there won’t be a temptation to bring your current state of vulnerability, fear, and anxiety into the adversarial process where it has a very high probability of manifesting just like the story of Rabbit.
If you fear an adversarial divorce and you do nothing to change the narrative, it will become your destiny, and the negative legacy for your children that you say you don’t want.
In what life situation do you now realize you’ve played the role of Rabbit?
Medicine Cards, The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals, Jaime Sams and David Carson, Bear & Company, Santa Fe, NM https://medicinecards.com